Tell Him That . . .

Okay, ladies so Mother's Day is right around the corner.

This is a very sore subject in our household,

or at least it has been in previous years.

I was reading Laura's wish list 

over at Live, Laugh, Photograph

and was inspired to share my 
First Mother's Day story with you.

Becoming a Mother is a BIG DEAL!!!!!!

Your first Mother's Day is a BIG DEAL!!!!!!

It can only happen once, just like any "first."

As moms. 
As women. 
As emotional beings,

neglecting this importance and value 
of this celebration can be devastating.

Okay, so I am sure some of you can see 
the direction in which I am heading.

To be clear let's rewind to May of 2009,

my first Mother's Day.

We made our usual plans for Mother's Day,

which always include brunch with my husbands family 

and then dessert at Tia Lula's.

I have to SQUEEZE my mom in there somewhere 

(this is an entirely different issue to discuss later, 
but also a bitter point).

I bought all of the presents.

Yes, for my mom, mother-in-law, Abuela, 
Tia Lula, and my husbands cousin Niki.

This is how it goes for Mother's Day 
with this super fun Cuban family.

I made myself a card from the Monster 
and we were off after church.

I was wearing my new outfit I had 
bought with my birthday money.

My mother-in-law bought me some cute glasses.

I got a plant and a statue from Tia and Niki.

It all sounds wonderful, 
but do you see the missing piece yet? 

The Cuban Cowboy neglected to purchase me a gift.

Please gasp now.

I didn't tell him how hurt I was.

I didn't tell him that I was ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATED.

People who know me know that I can be fairly A-motional,
(I believe ice queen has been tossed about),
 but this was not the case.

I told a few girlfriends.

Throughout the next several months, 
any time his family wanted us to do something I was bitter.

I couldn't help feeling that everything was ALL about them,

which really wasn't what I was mad at;

it wasn't the REAL problem.

I felt myself becoming ANGRY and BITTER 
toward the Cuban Cowboy,

and he really had ZERO clue why.

I mean it was September,

Mother's Day was in NO WAY on his mind.

It was still on mine though.

About October everything SNAPPED.

It was a full blown argument.

I broke.

And really he had no clue what I was harboring.

He had no clue the bitterness that I was storing up.

He was appalled that I was upset.

He felt AWFUL!!!

Absolutely horrible.

Shhhh . . . he even cried.

So there we sat in tears.

He explained that he didn't know 
that he needed to get me something.

He said that he thought he had made a card;

he had planned on it.

What did I learn from this?

I learned that I hadn't told him to get me something.

I didn't tell him that I was hurt that he didn't,

which left him no opportunity to apologize for forgetting.

In short, I MESSED UP!!!!

YES! ME!!!!!!

Some of you may still be thinking that it was his fault, 

and that HE should've known.

That is actually the problem that we create
 for ourselves as women.

We do more than assume our men know,

or presume that they will do they correct thing.

Instead, we attach obligatory expectations to events.

We assume that the subtle hints that we give, 
as I did, are enough.

They aren't.

Men need overt.

Men need direct.

Essentially, men are different than women 
and they value things in different ways.

I know that there are exceptions to this rule.

There are men whose love language is gifts.

In fact, my step-dad is this guy.

This is part of why I brought 
unreasonable expectations to the table.

So, this year the Cuban Cowboy knows 
that I want at least a card.

After further discussion,

I understand that though he will try his best 
to remember the card, he may not.

This will not be on purpose, 
but because he doesn't go anywhere 
to do such things.

He goes to work.

He comes home without stopping because he doesn't

 want someone to steal items out of his work truck.

He helps me when he gets here.

On top of all this our schedules have been strange 
the past two weeks on top of everything.

Additionally, I understand that he is of the position
 that it is unreasonable to put 
too much weight on any one event.

He believes that his hard work,
 both at home and on the job site,

 are far more valuable than a card on any single day.

In the end, I must concede and agree.

I still would prefer a card for Mother's Day 
in addition to the hard work though, 
and a gift would be even better.

Maybe this

Buy Here

or this

Buy Here

or my absolute FAVORITE

Buy Here

We will just have to wait and see. 
Since these all would have to be ordered, 
I am sure that it will be something quite different.


I would settle for some of this.

source

The point of all this, if you are still here and hanging on,

is that you need to be open and honest about what you want.

Your expectations are not always perfectly aligned 
with those of your spouses.

Open discussion can help put into focus 
where each person stands, 
and what each person most desires 
from a certain event or situation.

Okay, so on this "Getting Serious on Sunday", 

just remember to love your man 

Buy Here

and keep in mind that he wouldn't have married 
and had lovely kiddos with you 
if he didn't love you too.

Now, go tell your man what you want for Mother's Day 
and be specific.

Lot's o love!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Serious on Sunday

I want to take some time out this Sunday morning to share with you some important information.

I forewarn you that this is long, but important.

This information relates to my TRUST post from a few weeks back.

At that time my family (not my household though)

became faced with some crucial and staggering issues 

regarding a members severe addictions.

Yes, this is going to become quite personal very quickly.

This is a disclaimer.

I understand that various forms of addiction exist in households,

and as bloggers we need to be aware that the computer can be an addiction.

However, the addiction of this family member is not to the computer,

 but to something more dangerous. 

He is addicted to more than one powerful narcotic.

On the evening that this information was revealed to me, 

and some other family members by those who were already privy to the information,

the addict had caused an accident where he was thrown 

from the vehicle and turned over one parked car while landing atop another.

DRUGS ARE DANGEROUS!!!

ADDICTION IS DANGEROUS!!!

These are quite serious issues.

Luckily, only the addict/driver was involved.

By God's grace he is alive and virtually uninjured, 

despite early worries from the doctors.

What saddens my heart is that people knew about the problem.

People knew for a very long time.

They were "trying" to do something, 

but in cases like this there is no try; 

there is do and don't.

This is a life and death situation.

Moreover, there is a young child involved in the family dynamic.

A child who was allowed to stay home with the person,

and who was allowed to be in the car with the person.

The claim is he would never "use" in her presence, 

unfortunately there is no way to trust this to be true because drugs are 

POWERFUL!!!

Do not be fooled.

People are controlled by drugs, 

they do not control the drugs.

Finally, this directly affects my household.

I have been invited over and visited with my children

while the use was going on.

My concern that there may be a problem was known, 

but in a selfish move the owner of the home hid this from me.

They wanted to see my children for the holidays,

as long as I didn't know it was safe, right?

Secrets are BAD!

Secrets HURT!

Most importantly,

Secrets can be DANGEROUS!

My son is active.

He can climb anything.

He can find anything.

And, NO! I do not want him finding or seeing drugs.

I do not want him near residual residue.

I am ANGRY!

I am HURT!

Most importantly my heart has been crushed by someone

 who I love to the ends of the earth.

I understand protecting a child,

because I want to protect mine, but do not protect your children 

at the expense of other peoples.

So I sit and remain strong.

I continue my research about the drugs,

especially how they relate and may effect 

a rare heart disease that my family carries.

I have handed over tons of information regarding treatment.

GOOD FREE TREATMENT does exist!

This was an amazing find,

one I should've remembered from Air1.

Teenchallenge has an AMAZING program that is free.

It is a Christian center, as most free programs are.

Another free program is run by the Salvation Army.

Finally, I have found another wonderful charity via Crowdtap

that helps aide in cost of rehabilitation and recovery.

It is called To Write Love on Her Arms.

In order to find this information, and much more,

including interventionist and paid recovery,

I pretty much ignored my family for three and a half days.

None of this information has been put to use by my family,

which is why My husband and I have currently limited all contact to phone calls

and visits with only specific people in my home only.

We cannot endanger our children.

We are heartbroken for the child involved,

but we cannot participate in enabling this to continue.

The person is clean for now,

but it has only been a few weeks.

Without professional help 

this decision is statistically NOT going to stick.

If you know someone who is using PLEASE help them.

You cannot protect them.

You cannot protect other people from them,

all you are doing is hurting yourself and those very people 

who you are trying to protect.

I ask also that you pray for this situation.

I know that God is good.

I know that he has helped me to make the  hardest decision of my life.

I know that if I continue to trust then things will change,

not that I know exactly what or how.

This event and revelation has completely shifted the dynamic of my household and family.

My view of tolerance is altered.

If you would like further information based on specific addictions 

or other places to find help,

you can contact me and I will share what I have found,

though I am by no means an expert.