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Sunday, May 1, 2011

Tell Him That . . .

Okay, ladies so Mother's Day is right around the corner.

This is a very sore subject in our household,
or at least it has been in previous years.

I was reading Laura's wish list 
and was inspired to share my 
First Mother's Day story with you.

Becoming a Mother is a BIG DEAL!!!!!!

Your first Mother's Day is a BIG DEAL!!!!!!

It can only happen once, just like any "first."

As moms. 
As women. 
As emotional beings,
neglecting this importance and value 
of this celebration can be devastating.

Okay, so I am sure some of you can see 
the direction in which I am heading.

To be clear let's rewind to May of 2009,
my first Mother's Day.

We made our usual plans for Mother's Day,
which always include brunch with my husbands family 
and then dessert at Tia Lula's.

I have to SQUEEZE my mom in there somewhere 
(this is an entirely different issue to discuss later, 
but also a bitter point).

I bought all of the presents.
Yes, for my mom, mother-in-law, Abuela, 
Tia Lula, and my husbands cousin Niki.
This is how it goes for Mother's Day 
with this super fun Cuban family.

I made myself a card from the Monster 
and we were off after church.
I was wearing my new outfit I had 
bought with my birthday money.

My mother-in-law bought me some cute glasses.
I got a plant and a statue from Tia and Niki.

It all sounds wonderful, 
but do you see the missing piece yet? 

The Cuban Cowboy neglected to purchase me a gift.
Please gasp now.

I didn't tell him how hurt I was.
I didn't tell him that I was ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATED.

People who know me know that I can be fairly A-motional,
(I believe ice queen has been tossed about),
 but this was not the case.

I told a few girlfriends.
Throughout the next several months, 
any time his family wanted us to do something I was bitter.
I couldn't help feeling that everything was ALL about them,
which really wasn't what I was mad at;
it wasn't the REAL problem.

I felt myself becoming ANGRY and BITTER 
toward the Cuban Cowboy,
and he really had ZERO clue why.

I mean it was September,
Mother's Day was in NO WAY on his mind.
It was still on mine though.

About October everything SNAPPED.
It was a full blown argument.
I broke.

And really he had no clue what I was harboring.
He had no clue the bitterness that I was storing up.

He was appalled that I was upset.
He felt AWFUL!!!
Absolutely horrible.
Shhhh . . . he even cried.

So there we sat in tears.

He explained that he didn't know 
that he needed to get me something.
He said that he thought he had made a card;
he had planned on it.

What did I learn from this?
I learned that I hadn't told him to get me something.
I didn't tell him that I was hurt that he didn't,
which left him no opportunity to apologize for forgetting.

In short, I MESSED UP!!!!

YES! ME!!!!!!

Some of you may still be thinking that it was his fault, 
and that HE should've known.
That is actually the problem that we create
 for ourselves as women.

We do more than assume our men know,
or presume that they will do they correct thing.
Instead, we attach obligatory expectations to events.
We assume that the subtle hints that we give, 
as I did, are enough.

They aren't.

Men need overt.
Men need direct.

Essentially, men are different than women 
and they value things in different ways.

I know that there are exceptions to this rule.
There are men whose love language is gifts.
In fact, my step-dad is this guy.
This is part of why I brought 
unreasonable expectations to the table.

So, this year the Cuban Cowboy knows 
that I want at least a card.
After further discussion,
I understand that though he will try his best 
to remember the card, he may not.
This will not be on purpose, 
but because he doesn't go anywhere 
to do such things.

He goes to work.
He comes home without stopping because he doesn't
 want someone to steal items out of his work truck.
He helps me when he gets here.
On top of all this our schedules have been strange 
the past two weeks on top of everything.

Additionally, I understand that he is of the position
 that it is unreasonable to put 
too much weight on any one event.
He believes that his hard work,
 both at home and on the job site,
 are far more valuable than a card on any single day.

In the end, I must concede and agree.
I still would prefer a card for Mother's Day 
in addition to the hard work though, 
and a gift would be even better.

Maybe this
Buy Here
or this
Buy Here
or my absolute FAVORITE
We will just have to wait and see. 
Since these all would have to be ordered, 
I am sure that it will be something quite different.

I would settle for some of this.
The point of all this, if you are still here and hanging on,
is that you need to be open and honest about what you want.
Your expectations are not always perfectly aligned 
with those of your spouses.
Open discussion can help put into focus 
where each person stands, 
and what each person most desires 
from a certain event or situation.

Okay, so on this "Getting Serious on Sunday", 
just remember to love your man 
Buy Here

and keep in mind that he wouldn't have married 
and had lovely kiddos with you 
if he didn't love you too.

Now, go tell your man what you want for Mother's Day 
and be specific.
Lot's o love!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  1. It's funny, Tom and I just had this conversation yesterday when doing our budget for the month. He talked about getting his mom a gift and I asked if he knew any other moms. He mentioned his aunt and his grandmother as I waited impatiently for him to mention my name. I finally had to say.....what about me?! He felt bad, but I'm glad we got it out in the open before I was sorely disappointed too.

  2. Really great post lady! You did a great job. And I agree, mentioning what you want, or what is coming up is a good thing, and it's a bonus when they remember on their own:)

  3. such a fun post... WE just LOVE your blog!

  4. Thank you for this wonderful post... It is a great reminder that most of us need from time to time :)

  5. so stinking true! get a mothah a gift will ya?! love it. ;)



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